And I Love You So
by IsabelleMalfoyPotterSnape
Summary: Memories bring you full circle.


/And I love you so.  
The people ask me how,  
How I've lived till now.  
I tell them I don't know./

Severus Snape woke up slowly, lonely, instantly reaching out for the warmth that he knew would not be there for another twenty hours or so. Today was his bonding day, to the man that he had protected his entire life. Today he joined his soul with the boy that he had taught for seven years, the boy who had become a man while they had been fighting the darkest wizard the world had ever known. The man he had fallen in love with and almost lost.

Severus, sometimes in his darkest moments of doubt questioned, how he had come to this point. He had always been a loner. His father's abuse weighing heavily on his mind, he had shied away from any type of affection that was not given by his mother. He had never blamed her for his fathers abuse, knowing that love was a powerful force that made even the kindest and strongest people weak in its wake.

But Severus had forged a very strong wall around himself in his early years and making friends had been an absolute nightmare. He had come to Hogwarts scared, alone, but determined to make something of himself. He had wanted to make something of himself to try and prove that his father and even himself that his father was wrong about his value as a person. He had been determined to be something better than the son of an abuser. He didn't want that legacy; he wanted one that would make his someday children smile at him with pride and joy.

He had been sorted into the Slytherin house and he had known that the house would help him a great deal in reaching his goals. And after his first week of classes he had known for sure what he wanted to do with his life. He was to become a potions master. He loved the art, it was subtle, it took patience; it was a craft that few would ever appreciate but Severus saw the beauty in it; the quiet strength that one needed in order to truly succeed in the subject. It would be the first way he became strong and with this purpose a small wall fell around his heart. For the first time Severus could envision a future where he was content, peaceful, and not full of pain.

But his plan was sidetracked when in his first year he had made the mistake of being rude to a beautiful red headed girl name Lily Evans and had paid dearly for the rest of his days at school being tormented, picked on, and nearly killed. That had been seven years of heaven and hell. He had survived that because that what he was a survivor, not a victim, a survivor.

He had at the end of his seventh year made the ultimate mistake. Tired and fed up with being someone else punching bag, he had joined a man who called himself Lord Voldemort. He had allowed himself with no coercion to be branded like cattle and willing went under the mans beck and call for four year. He had then set himself up in Hogwarts after he got his mastery in two years, the youngest to ever get mastery in potions at nineteen. He had heard the prophecy about the boy that could destroy his master and run back to his master with the news.

Shortly after Severus, having been rewarded by torturing muggles and had then gone home to be sick. He had never intentionally tortured someone; he had made potions without thought. That had been his job and as he thought back to what he had brewed what chaos he had caused because he wanted to belong, he made him sick again. He had then run to only place he knew he could go, Albus Dumbledore, the one man that had never given up on him.

He had kneeled before Albus begging for forgiveness and pledging to do anything to right the wrongs he had committed. That night he had gained another master once again willing, and once again bearing a mark; a phoenix on his right shoulder blade. He had become a spy that night. He had cried for what he had assumed would be the last time in his life that night before the walls which had slowly began to crumble rose again stronger than ever.

He knew that he would spend the rest of his life repenting for his foolish mistake, knowing that he had failed, in his ultimate goal of being something better than his father. His father had at least hurt the people he knew, Severus gathered he had probably hurt hundreds of defenseless muggles. It was an unforgivable sin. And even though he had switched sides and told Dumbledore that Voldemort knew about the prophecy it was to late to save the elder Potters but the younger one, a baby had "defeated" Voldemort.

/I guess they understand  
How lonely life has been.  
But life began again  
The day you took my hand./

Severus had watched with a sneer as people had celebrated but he hadn't because he knew that the Dark Lord was not dead; but rather was merely in hibernation. He had taken another vow that day, one that would give him back all his dreams he had had as a first year though it would take eighteen year from that day to do so. Severus had used the time to study and practice, both muggle and magical knowing that when the Dark Lord rose again that he would need to be ready mentally and physically.

So Severus had taught, waiting for the day that his salvation would walk into his life. And ten years later he spotted him from his place at the head table. Small, horrible malnourished and eager to be something else than what he had been told he was his whole life. Severus had known that Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived, would get a big head and a bigger ego here so it was his job to make sure that Harry was grounded. He knew how he would do it, he had made his greasy git persona for this exact purpose.

Of course the fact that Severus had always been rather dower, with a sarcastic sense of humor had helped greatly. So Severus had taunted and bullied Harry knowing that it was the only way that the boy would have a feeling of normality. But much to Severus's chagrin Harry was sorted into Gryffindor, which had shown itself in many ways.

In Harry's first year he had taken a three headed dog, a professor with the Dark Lord on the back of his head, gotten past a wealth of obstacles, and stolen the philosophers to save the world for the second time in his short life. In his second year he had saved the school and Ginevra Weasley from a fifty foot snake that could kill with just one glance. In his third year he had taken on dementors and werewolves.

By the fourth year Severus was livid about the dangers that seem to exist despite his best effort to keep Harry safe. The boy seemed keen on playing the hero every chance he got and it drove Severus crazy. Of course it didn't help that Albus was keen on letting Harry face dangerous situation after dangerous situation to prepare him for his fight with Voldemort. He became a Tri-Wizard Champion and the Dark Lord was resurrected, and with that Harry's childhood disappeared forever and Severus became a servant to evil once again.

In fifth year Albus was replaced by the toad named Umbridge and Severus tried to keep Harry as far away from her as possible but still Harry would always be marked by that woman and her blood quill. And in sixth with his vow to help his godson Draco, and Albus cursed from hunting horcruxes, and then having to pretend to kill Albus Severus was sure he would never be the same as part of his soul was lost.

/And, yes, I know how lonely life has been.  
The shadows follow me, and the night won't set me free.  
But I won't let the evening bring me down  
Now that you're around me./

Severus watched as parts of Harry die to when he saw Albus "die." Severus had grabbed Draco and run for weeks. He had set it up with the Headmaster so that Draco would begin a new life in America with his mother, so that they could be free. Severus had watched Draco from the day that he had entered Hogwarts, had watched as the same transformation had overcome Draco that he had experienced and Severus had been determine to save Draco from himself.

After Draco and Narcissa had been safely hidden Severus had returned to England, and to Spinners End to sort the Headmaster and Fawkes out. Severus had after seeing to Albus slept for three days. After the Headmaster was a healed as he could be, they went to Grimmauld Place for an order meeting and after much screaming and wizard oaths they had settled down and talked about what needed to be done.

It was decided at the end that the Headmaster would stay dead until the end of the war and that Harry would be trained by Severus. That's when Harry became a man in Severus's eyes. Harry's seventh year came around and Severus forced Harry to go back to school. While Harry was occupied Albus and Severus continued the horcrux search. It would take two years after Harry's graduation from Hogwarts before the Dark Lord would be defeated.

During the celebration at Hogwarts, Harry, Severus, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger soon to be Weasley, Albus, who had joined the world again, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black, who had been kicked out of the veil, each received an Order of Merlin First Class. After the award ceremony was when Harry kissed him and Severus had kissed him back. Severus spent the rest of the night as Harry's date. And when the night ended, Severus let Harry go telling him to explore the world and that after that if Severus was what he wanted, then he should come home, that Severus would be waiting.

/And you love me, too.  
Your thoughts are just for me;  
You set my spirit free.  
And I'm happy that you do./

So Harry went out and played quidditch for three years professionally before becoming an auror for five years. During that time Severus took up teaching potions again waiting for the day that Harry would come home to him. Also during those years they wrote to each other, gave advice, confided and confessed to each other. Slowly Severus's soul began to heal itself as he made peace with his past and his parents.

And then Harry went missing during a death eater raid, and Severus's world came crashing down around him. He couldn't eat, he refused to sleep, and he took a leave of absence to go find his soul mate. During the months that Severus searched with the world for Harry, he realized many things.

Like the fact that without Harry his world was gray. There was no laughter or color that could warm his heart the way that Harry did. That without Harry he was dead and that it was time to bring Harry back to Hogwarts for good. The months of searching had been harder than anything Severus had ever endured. The hours of waiting when they had a lead only to be disappointed when nothing turned up had killed him every time. And some nights his grief would show through in the tremors that would run through his body.

And then eight months after Harry's disappearance, Severus received a note from his nephew saying that Harry was safe and residing in Washington, D.C. and that he should come as soon as possible because Harry was in a wheel chair horribly hurt. Severus had been on the next plane to America, because the ministry did not want to arouse the culprits that they had located Harry. Severus hadn't slept a wink the entire time, waiting to land at B.W.I. Airport.

Draco had been waiting in baggage claim and after a brief hello Draco had driven them to a brick stone on Capitol Hill. Severus had fallen to his knees the moment he had seen Harry, asleep with a peaceful expression on his face. Severus had with hands shaking touched Harry's face and whimpered. Alive was the only thing that he could think. And he watched moments later as Harry had awaken.

Harry had given Severus a sad smile and opened his arms, which Severus had fallen into. They stayed like that until it was time for Harry's physical therapy. Severus never left his side the entire two months that they had resided in the house with Draco and Narcissa, who came back to England with them.

/The book of life is brief  
And once a page is read,  
All but love is dead.  
And that is my belief./

Harry's recovery was very long and quiet painful for everyone involved. When they returned to England, they had been bombarded by the press. Harry forced to retire from the auror force because he wasn't healing fast enough for their liking. And Harry unhappy with his progress had been prone to tantrums that drove Severus crazy with anger. They'd fought half the time they were in each others company and Severus began to fear that they would leave each other.

Eventually Harry and he stopped speaking to each other. They lived together, loving each other but not communicating as if some barrier had formed the day that Harry had disappeared. But Severus had taken it because being without Harry had been worse, the pain all consuming and Severus would be damned if he went back to that existence.

It was hard living like that but then one day things changed. Harry had pushed himself to hard and fallen down a flight of stairs breaking his legs again. Severus had been furious and all the emotions he had been keeping locked up and hidden came tumbling out and after his tirade Harry had sat in the hospital bed with a small sad grin. Severus exasperated had snapped asking why Harry was grinning.

His lover had replied saying that his Severus was finally back. That ever since his disappearance that Severus had been cautious, walking on egg shells when he needed his strong lover to snap in out of his funk and tantrums. But instead Severus had allowed them to continue so Harry did waiting for Severus to reach his breaking point.

That now he knew how his lover felt, about everything that had happened before and after the kidnapping. Harry gave as well as he got recalling his time away from Severus, and his attack. And when it was finished when they were worn out physically and emotionally Harry asked Severus to marry him and Severus, shocked could only nodded his head before laying down next to his lover and wait for sleep to claim Harry.

/And, yes, I know how loveless life has been.  
The shadows follow me, and the night won't set me free.  
But I won't let the evening bring me down  
Now that you're around me./

An that is what brought Severus back full circle to today. It was early evening, the sun would be setting when they began their vows, and it was almost time for his bonding ceremony. There was a knock at the door and he turned as it opened. "Hey." Harry said softly. Severus gave a small smile as he looked at his fiancé. He was stunning in an emerald green dress robes that matched his eyes perfectly. His hair would never be tamed and fell in his eyes. "How are you? Nervous?" Harry asked as he snuggled into Severus's embrace. Severus snorted and shook his head before asking, "no, you? Any regrets?"

Harry shook his head saying, "no, not one. It's been eight and a half years Sev. Why did we wait so long?" Severus shook his head, not having an answer and Harry continued, "No regret, so let's go get married." Harry held out his hand and Severus grasped it, his future, the one that had been his since the day that Harry had been born.

The ceremony took place at Hogwarts in the garden and not an eye was dry as the vows were spoken. "Harry, you have always been amazing, strong, patient, and brave. Always rushing in where angels fear to tread, saving any and everyone you could. But what you never knew was the day you were born you saved my life as well. You saved me from Voldemort at one, eleven, twelve, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, and everyday until you were nineteen. You have been saving me everyday that you have lived. From smiling to save my mood, to defeating the darkest wizard in the world to save my soul. I love you, and today you are making every dream I had when I first stepped through the halls of Hogwarts come true. For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Today I pledge my love, fidelity, my respect, and my protection in front of our family. I love you and you will never be the-boy-who-lived or the savior of the wizarding world to me. You will always just be Harry, my greater half and the boy who lived to save my soul. You will reside in me for the rest of my life and into the great beyond. Heart of my heart."

Severus looked to see a stream of tears rolling down Harry's face. "Severus, the day I knew that I knew I wanted to be yours for the rest of my life I was at the shore and I heard a poem written by Pablo Neruda called The plant that never blooms let me recite it for you. I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I do not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."

Harry chocked on a sob as he smilingly continued, "That's how I feel about you. You have always been there, loving protecting me, giving me strength. You say that I saved you, but you saved the world Severus. I didn't kill Voldemort for my parents or Sirius, I did it for you. You were the power that the Dark Lord knows not. My love for you killed him. There will never be another. As I am your soul mate you are mine for eternity. I love you and today I proclaim it in front of our family. Light of my light, joy of my joy, sorrow of my sorrow, heart of my heart."

After the vows they were pronounced husband and husband, and it wasn't until their song, the first dance of the evening, "And I Love You" sung by Pauline Scanlon drifted around them that Severus knew his life was finally complete.

/And I love you so.  
The people ask me how,  
How I've lived till now.  
I tell them, "I don't know."/


End file.
